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  • 快三助手 国外也有段子手:终于等到你,还益吾没下课
    时间:2020-05-02   作者:admin  点击数:

    幼同伴们,据说长时间宅在家里并过众接触负面消息会显现替代性创伤。于是说,固然吾们还必要不息宅下往,幼编起码期待议定本栏现在,将行家从忧郁闷中一时解脱出来。言归正传,比来几天堂际足坛照样是有人喜悦有人忧郁:红魔球迷终于纷纷下树,红军照样独孤求败,博阿滕点数击败格雷茨卡,国米“摇滚大叔”六年来首次染红。千金难买你会心一乐,期待行家拥有益情感。

    索帅:“再有一次你就滚蛋!”(One more time and you are fucking off)

    KoshurHangul(吃瓜球迷):索帅这从史麦戈到咕噜的转折令人猝不敷防啊。(Ole going from Smeagol to Gollum real quick.)

    Recrusi(切尔西球迷):然后马上又变回了史麦戈。(And back to Sméagol.)

    allthesounds(西汉姆联球迷):奥勒-咕噜-史麦戈斯克亚。(Ole Gollum Sméagskjaer.)

    IwishIwasGoku(吃瓜球迷):滚下场照样滚出球队?(Off the pitch or off the team?)

    chaos_bolts(巴萨球迷):为什么非得二选一?(Why not both?)

    XxX_FedoraMan_XxX(吃瓜球迷):吾靠,首作用了么?(o shit, did it work?)

    WildVareity(曼联球迷):还不到5分钟就给换下来了快三助手,于是没个卵用。(Lingard came off less than 5 minutes after this. So no.)

    sotchi123(吃瓜球迷):吾觉得首作用了快三助手,能够他早就不想踢了。(Well it kinda worked, maybe Jesse wanted to come off the pitch.)

    IHaveBeenSherlocked(利物浦球迷):吾从没见过索帅这么躁急过。(Never seen him this livid wow.)

    omegaxLoL(曼联球迷):望林皇踢球快三助手,还你真性情。(Watching Lingard play football will do that to you.)

    catansa(众特蒙德球迷):林添德是假9号,假10号,假11号,假7号,假6号,假5号,假4号相符体。。。(Lingard is the false number 9, 10, 11, 7, 6, 5, 4.)

    off_by_two(曼联球迷):林皇,定义史上很远大“假球员”位置。(Lingard has perfected the ‘false footballer’ position.)

    奥塔门迪犯规,队长德布劳内肢体外情两开花:吾益累,吾益难

    CodifiedRadian(炎刺球迷):前有斯特林,后有奥塔门迪,队长就快谢顶了。(Otamendi on one end Sterling on the other. Man's gonna go bald soon.)

    ATX_GUNN3R(阿森纳球迷):枪迷平时而已,由于吾们有穆斯塔菲。(Every week as an Arsenal fan when you have a Mustafi.)

    Ollymid2(阿森纳球迷):倘若德布劳内每周都和扎卡和穆斯塔菲一首踢球,赛季末颜值答该能比肩太平美颜科斯塔。(Imagine KDB’s face if he had to play with Mustafi and Xhaka week in week out, he’d probably age a few years by the end of the season and look like Diego Costa.)

    gapmoeisjustice(利物浦球迷):曼城队长的反答能够比曼城球迷们温暖众了。(Probably expressed it a lot more politely than most City fans were thinkin at the time.)

    Memerofsorts2(曼城球迷):没错儿吾差点把电视遥控器摔烂。(I almost broke my T.V remote.)

    zee-10(霍芬海姆球迷):这就像FIFA里犯了规但诉苦裁判吹罚的外情。(Looks like one of those Fifa game reactions of players when they foul someone and don't agree with the referee.)

    曼联与葡体就B费转会达成相反

    Rockflagandeeegle(阿森纳球迷):Oh no~这就终结了么?下一个是谁?(Oh no, it's over now. What next?)

    RaggedyCrown(曼联球迷):吾仰有意吉鲁。(Now we gazump Giroud.)

    Rockflagandeeegle(阿森纳球迷):那贱人不会脱离伦德的。(That whore won't leave London.)

    RaggedyCrown(曼联球迷):那吾们只在客场踢伦敦球队的时候让他上。(We'll only use him at away games in London then.)

    RondomPedobear(葡体球迷):吾们会很牵挂他(B费)的。(We will miss him so much.)

    mchugho(曼联球迷):吾们有位大英帝星你们能够感有趣。。。(We have a Jesse you might be interested in.)

    西汉姆联0-2利物浦

    henkizh(利物浦球迷):萨拉赫经典帽子戏法:进一球,助一攻,肆意球打人墙一次。(Classic Salah hat-trick: Goal, Assist, Free-kick straight into the wall.)

    BrownHawkDown(吃瓜球迷):切尔西,排第四,距离降级区比距离第别名还近。(Chelsea, who is in 4th place, is closer to relegation than they are to first place.)

    LosTerminators(巴萨球迷):水是湿的,鸟是会飞的,太阳是发光的,利物浦是会赢的。(Water is wet. Birds fly. Sun shines. Liverpool wins.)

    博阿滕训练场拳击格雷茨卡

    faceoftheancients(拜仁球迷):英格丽-褒曼说过:“吻是大自然设计的一个可喜欢幼伎俩,用于终止不消要的说话。”吾猜她还说过:“拳头是大自然设计的另一个幼伎俩,用于外达被滑铲踢到幼腿是众么得疼。”(Ingrid Bergman once said, "a kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."I think she also said, "a punch is a lovely trick designed by nature to express more efficiently how a late tackle hurts the shins.")

    senpaighosteyy(吃瓜球迷):博阿滕能够憋着火呢,由于比来格雷茨卡比他还会铲球。(Boateng is probably pissed because Goretza does better tackles than him these days.)

    rakin14(拜仁球迷):“闻闻吾的手指。”("smell my finger")

    step_away(吃瓜球迷):勒夫望了颇感安慰:“嗯吾没白教你。”(Löw watching and thinking: "I have taught you well!")

    皮扬特克离队,AC米兰的9号魔咒仍在不息

    tplusp(切尔西球迷):哇哈哈哈想象一下一支有着9号魔咒的球队。。。(Hahaha imagine your club having a number 9 curse...)

    Aberdeen(吃瓜球迷):吾脑海里浮现出了博拉鲁兹。(Never forget Khalid Boulahrouz.)

    codespyder(曼城球迷):穿9号的糙哥中后卫,唉太上头了。(the audacity of a defender wearing number 9 smh my head.)

    kaka_r(米兰球迷):帕托喜欢受伤;马特里垃圾;托雷斯垃圾;路易斯-阿德里亚诺垃圾;拉帕杜拉跟前线三位相通,但吾挺喜欢他的于是不消谁人词了;安德烈-席尔瓦著名无实;伊瓜因刚来还走,后来心态崩了也就完了——浅易说来照样球员太菜。(Pato injuries, Matri shit, Torres shit, Luis Adriano shit, Lapadula same as the other 3 but I like him so won't associate the word with him in writing, Silva overrated, Higuain started good, lost his head and went off the rails. Just shite players really.)

    国米的替补门将托马索-贝尔尼添盟球队6年了。6年里他一场都没踢,但是上周他成功地领到一张红牌,由于他赛后奚落裁判。。。

    (图)“摇滚大叔”本尊

    ortz3(尤文球迷):真·人生赢家——训练能挣钱,场边VIP坐席。(Living the dream. Paid to train and watch footy.)

    codespyder(曼城球迷):于是说他是祥瑞物兼拉拉队长?(So he’s a glorified mascot/cheerleader.)

    pinkguyfriedrice(吃瓜球迷):于是他不像清淡球员那样35岁退伍,而是能不息干到60岁。(So unlike most footballers who retire around 35 he can retire at 60.)

    klarstartpirat(吃瓜球迷):这做事吾也精明,不像谁人秃头的骗子——吾只是骗子。(I can fill that role and i wouldn't be a bald fraud like him, just a fraud.)

    Rezorblade(国米球迷):贝尔尼在蓝暗外交网站上的明星,他的出镜率甚至比队里的明星球员还高。(He's basically a star for Inter Media House. He appears regularly, on Inter's video content even more than actual star players on the team!)

    off_by-two(曼联球迷):那是由于他比明星球员闲众了。(He has a lot more free time than the stars.)

    AleDelPiero10(尤文球迷):吾觉得这张红牌简直能够让他成为更衣室传奇了,能够说是专门豹乐了。(I bet this red card made him even more of a legend in the locker room haha. This is hilarious.)

    Tifoso89(尤文球迷):说实话吾的偶像是佩莱。27岁时在意大利24场只进1球,两年荷兰高光外现,31岁转会到中国,每年1600万欧元成为世界年薪第五的球员!对了他的女同伴也超正的。下辈子吾必定要投胎成为佩莱。(Tbh my idol is Graziano Pellè. 24 games and 1 (one) goal in Italy by the time he's 27. Two good seasons in the Netherlands. At the age of 31 he moves to China, becomes the world's fifth-highest paid footballer (!!!), earning €16 million/year. Also, his girlfriend. In my next life I want to be reborn as Pellè.)

    至此,本周的《国外也有段子手》就拉到最底部了,就像吾刚才说的,反境中也要保持微乐(画外音:你啥时候说过?)。吾们会不息陪同行家,下周重逢。

    懂球号作者:中东游侠

    不代外面点

    如今,球员给自己剪光头似乎已经算不上什么新鲜事,而切尔西中卫吕迪格现在又玩出了“新花样”。

      大萧条以来最严重衰退!美国经济萎缩5.9%!IMF重磅预测

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